Thursday, August 7, 2008

It's Never Been Fair

(This was originally posted one year ago today as a 9th anniversary gift to my husband. I changed the 9 to a ten for the repost.)

All is fair in love and war…or so goes the old saying that traces back to John Lyly's Euphues written in 1578. For centuries, the adage has granted individuals the right to cheat on the battlefields of both ground and heart.

Ironically, any solider who has fought for his country will tell you that there is nothing fair about war. No matter the reasons for entering a fight, terror and ugliness abound savagely. But I’ll leave the subject of war for other writers to discuss. Love is the impetus of my current thoughts.


Contrary to Lyly’s famous line, the only commonality that I know exist between love and war is that neither is fair. Yet, unlike war, it is the unfairness component of love that can add unfathomable beauty.


Love, in its purist, sacrificial form has never been fair. As God sculpted Adam from the fresh earth, He knew that His most glorious creation would break His heart. Yet still, God breathed man to life. It was not fair, but the beauty cannot be denied.


When the world knew only darkness and despair, God sent hope in the form of His son, Jesus Christ. The sinless man and true embodiment of love was scorned, spat upon, rejected, beaten, and killed by a method that glorified cruelty as sport. The image of my sweet Savior nailed to a brutal cross swells a lump in my throat. It was the greatest atrocity committed by mankind, one in which I bear some of the blame. It. Was. Not. Fair. But the beauty, the stunning, breath stealing beauty, cannot be denied.


Ten years ago today, my mother and sisters helped me step into a white gown and placed a bouquet of pink roses into my unsteady hands. Pachabel’s Cannon played as my dad and PapPap guided me down the aisle to my Professor. As we exchanged vows, pieces of cake, and many kisses, delusions of fairness occupied space in my mind.


It took me less than two weeks to learn that our marriage was not going to be fair. Fifty-fifty? Equal give-and-take? Those are just good-intentioned, but flawed concepts. Our marriage, just one year shy of a decade, experienced illnesses that rattled our faith, emotional pain that rammed us to our knees, and losses that ransacked our haven. Our marriage is not fair, but its beauty cannot be denied.


Arms open to embrace one in need of forgiveness…beautiful. Fingers entwined as a new life swallows her first gulps of air…beautiful. Tears cried for the one who aches…beautiful. Hands steadying the one whose body is ravaged my pain…beautiful. Laughter echoing throughout corridors…beautiful. Feet that stumble as they walk a rugged path, but also glide as they dance…beautiful. Lips that touch softly as evidence to both passion and commitment...beautiful.


Love. Unbridled, agape love, a love that is taught by its Creator, is not fair. I don’t think it was designed to be fair. But its glorious beauty cannot be denied.


Happy anniversary my Professor. Thank you for choosing to love this flawed, undeserving woman. Your face is handsome, but your heart is beautiful.


Love is patient, love is kind and is not jealous; love does not brag and is not arrogant, does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. I Corinthians 13:4-7 (New American Standard Bible).





57 comments:

Pam said...

Happy Anniversary. What a beautiful post.

Brittany said...

Happy Anniversary! What a great post!

Anne Elizabeth said...

Happy Anniversary! Amazing post!

Gretchen said...

Oh, this is soooo good, Angela. I've commented and deleted and commented and deleted. I think I will leave you with a simple, "happy anniversary", and thank you for making my morning.

Mocha with Linda said...

Such a sweet tribute. Happy, happy anniversary!

Tales From the Eurovan said...

Happy Anniversary! What a beautifully written piece. Take care, Julie

Joy Abbott said...

Congrats on 9 years of Marriage.
God has given you a gift of writing beautifully. Thanks for sharing.

Lynn said...

Beautiful....just beautiful.

Happy Anniversary!

Bethany@MyLifeinBlack&White said...

This post...beautiful. Thanks for the reminder about what true love is all about.

Wifey said...

Happy Anniversary! Smiles!

I honored you with an award today...come on by and pick it up!

blessedwith5 said...

How Sweet! Happy Anniversary!

We all seem to realize that marriage is give AND give.

Smilingsal said...

Happy Anniversary. I hope you two go on forgiving for many years to come.

manda2177 said...

Ummm... I love that from the NASB... many blessings to you and yours on this special occasion. I do hope you are showered with God's blessings!!

Amanda
http://iammommy.typepad.com

Lisa Ann said...

Happy Anniversary !

mandy said...

happy annivesary!!!!!!!!

love that picture. :)

Andrea said...

Happy Anniversary, Angela (and Professor!)

Tracy said...

What a real and beautiful tribute. Happy Anniversary to you and the Professor!

Blessings,
Tracy

Genny said...

Beautiful, Angela! Happy Anniversary!

Earthmommy said...

This post brought tears to my eyes. You are such a talented, insightful writer! I'm humbled and conmvicted by your testimony as I realize I have been trying to deny the beauty in my own marriage. Thank you.

Please visit Shore's End for an important announcement and prayer request.

Mrs. Sidney said...

Happy Anniversary!! Great and beautiful post!!

Misty said...

happy anniversary! beautifully written, beautifully felt.

Amy Guerino said...

I loved the list of the things that are and continue to be....beautiful. May you get time to stop in the midst of resettling to celebrate. Happy Anniversary!

Steve n Vickie said...

Well written. Happy Anniversary. Those are my favorite verses. They're what I strive to be, even though I often fall short.
Hope your move is going ok.
Vickie

Kathy S. said...

Beautiful post! You are an artistic writer!!

Thanks for your compliment on our youth room!

a Tonggu Momma said...

Happy Anniversary, Angela. What a gorgeous post.

DotBlogger said...

Today is my anniversary, too.
~smile~

Angie said...

Moving sentiments. Truly.

Happy Anniversary to you both.

Julie said...

Beautiful post.

Happy Anniversary!

Hugs,
Julie

Irritable Mother said...

Happy Anniversary, you two!

Come on over when you're finished "celebrating." I have an award for you.

angie said...

Happy Anniversary!

Greg C said...

Now that was an inspirational post. Thank you so much for sharing those thoughts with us.

Amy said...

Happy Anniversary!
That was beautiful.:)

Jamie @ Purposeful Pursuit said...

Awww, what a beautiful post! Hope your anniversary was a special one!

Miranda said...

You've taken some deep and sometimes hard to accept truths and woven beauty into them with your words. I love reading your posts, your thoughts are like poetry!

Praise God for what He can do through sinners such as you and me.

graceunbound said...

Happy Anniversary! That was an absolutely beautiful post.

(Stop by my blog next week for MY take the 9 year anniversary...my hubby and I got married just a week after you!)

Shonda said...

Happy Anniversary! I just love how you put this together. (I wondered sometimes where that cliche came from.)

Abounding Treasures said...

Amazing, inspirational and touching post :o)

Thanks so much for sharing it and HAPPY 10th ANNIVERSARY.

Fr. Peter Doodes said...

And a very happy anniversary to you both from the UK as well!

Your comments about war reminded me of the graveyards in France (just over the Channel, I live on the South Coast of the UK) I visit almost yearly as a pilgrim.

So very many of our young men and woman are there and they also gave their lives that we might live and love.

I do not doubt that via your words those who rest on Juno, Sword and the others also know, like Him, that their sacrifice was certainly not in vain.

Here is to the next nine years!

Vixbil said...

Happy Anniversary! Beautiful post
xx

Kristen Schiffman said...

Stunningly beautiful.

BP said...

Congratulations on your anniversary! This is a lovely post honoring your husband and marriage. I love this quote "Your face is handsome, but your heart is beautiful."

Lala said...

Happy Anniversary! Such eloquent words spoken (or typed rather)by such a beautiful person! I enjoyed visiting your blog! Thanks for stopping by mine! *wink

elizabeth embracing life said...

Aww, so precious to remember what was, and what is. Thanks for sharing so openly your heart.

MoziEsmé said...

What a beautiful tribute - not just to your husband, but to the author of love - perfect, unfair, beautiful love.

We share an anniversary - mine was 14 years ago. Happy anniversary to you!

Morning By Morning said...

Happy Anniversary!!!!

Beautiful Post & Beautiful Picture!!!

Kristin said...

Thanks for stopping by my site - happy anniversary to you. i love what you wrote!

Chris @ Come to the Table said...

Beautiful! Happy Anniversary!

Trish said...

I've always loved the saying that it's not 50-50, it's both people giving 100%.

Happy Anniversary!

Carol said...

That was absolutely beautiful!! I loved it.

Wendi said...

Another beautiful reminder of why I love coming here frequently. :) I loved this post! My heart echos your words.
Happy anniversary friend!

C. H. Green said...

wow. that almost talked me out of my divorce.

Susan said...

Beautiful post and Happy Anniversary. I will celebrate my 21st this Friday. And you're right..."it's not always fair". I love the new song that says, "Love's not a fight, but it's something worth fighting for."

:-) Susan

Kimberly said...

What a beautiful post! Happy Anniversary a couple of days late! May the Lord continue to bless the treasure that is your marriage!

Lisa writes... said...

Happy Anniversary! May your love for one another continue to be a reflection of the love of Christ...

AtlantaMama said...

WOW! Thanks for sharing so honestly. This was powerful.

Elizabeth said...

*Sigh* I love your blog. Your posts always make me feel something! Happy anniversary!!!

Colored Heart said...

Yeah... life on earth is actually unfair, but I agree when you wrote that it makes the beauty in love... and i say, in life in general. Happy Anniversary. You look lovelier together at the pic on your header! :) Lovely family. More years to come! Shalom!:)

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