Thursday, July 3, 2008

My Hope

There are lots of ways to hurt me. Physically, my bones are breakable, my muscles tear, and my arms over extend. While I’ve always considered my spirit stronger than my flesh, it’s not impregnable. Harsh words, haughty laughter, and disapproving stares scar my heart. But for me, there is one weapon that wounds with fire and burns a hole through my core. That weapon is betrayal.

Several months ago, when my husband told me that his job would be ending with the semester, I choked on the air that had just entered my lungs. My heart ached. I felt that our family had been betrayed. I hurt deeply for my husband.

How could this happen? This position was supposed to be tenure track. This was supposed to be the real deal. We were supposed to be in the same place for at least five years.

I was not worried about my husband finding a new job, I immediately felt peace that the Lord would provide. He always has in the past and His word assures us of that truth. Yet still, I grieved. My heart ached. Even The Professor was able to let go of the hurt, but mine stayed.

Earlier this week, as I was searching through scripture to find a particular verse that would fit with this post (well, the post I originally wrote, of which only a few sentences remain), I came across two verses about “Boasting in Tomorrow.” Immediately the verses grabbed my heart. But almost as quickly I shrugged them off. I kept looking and nothing seemed to fit and then, I "stumbled" upon these same two verses again.

I sighed. I wanted to write about betrayal and how God made it good. Instead, God wanted me to understand why I felt so betrayed. Yes, our feelings are an essential component to our humanness. A more intimate relationship with Christ does not fashion us into robotic creatures. Pain accompanies injury. However, the amount of distress I felt was disproportional to the size of the emotional laceration.

Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth. Proverbs 27:1

I read that verse aloud. And then I recited it as I pursued sleep. I woke up the next morning with it etched on my heart. Finally, I understood. I bore some responsibility for my own heartache. Yes, poor decisions were made by others, decisions that I could not change. But had my hope been where it belonged, the blow wouldn’t have been so staggering.

My hope was in the supposed to be. I told people that our days of moving were behind us. South Carolina was home and we were staying put. And I believed it so. Although I didn’t stick out my tongue and say na na na na naaahhh, I boasted in my tomorrow. The tomorrow that I had planned. So when that news came, my plans were disregarded. And it hurt.

This week, God reminded me that my tomorrow’s, if I even have a tomorrow on this planet, are His. Sure, I can make plans, I can even dream, but placing my hope in those plans…not a good idea.

Now for some more good news, The Professor, did get a new job with a well known and respected university. We will be moving to Georgia in less than a month and the blessings are many.

How long will we be in Georgia? I have no clue. But that’s just fine. My Jesus does. And while my immediate future is a mystery, I do know the ending of my story…it has no end...it’s a true happily-ever-after.

Now listen, you who say, "Today or tomorrow we will go to this or that city, spend a year there, carry on business and make money." Why, you do not even know what will happen tomorrow. What is your life? You are a mist that appears for a little while and then vanishes. Instead, you ought to say, "If it is the Lord's will, we will live and do this or that." As it is, you boast and brag. All such boasting is evil. James 4:13 (NIV)





43 comments:

Wendi said...

First of all, I love how God often takes us places in His Word that we don't expect. I enjoyed reading about the way he continually kept taking you to those two verses even when you were looking elsewhere. He is persistent isn't he? :)
I'm a planner. I want to know what is on deck for today, what we will be doing tomorrow, what time each meal, nap, and outing will occur... Hahaha.God is so working on showing me that since He knows the when's where's and why's, I can sit tight and relax. What a process! :) Glad to know there's some one in the process with me. :)
Also glad to hear that you guys are moving ahead with some concrete plans. I'm sure there's much excitement around the corner as you make a new home for yourselves, new friends etc. I look forward to hearing how it all goes.

Tracy said...

Powerful post! "my hope was in the supposed to be." Wow...that little phrase has packed quite a punch this morning. I've always attributed my resistance to God's changes to the fact that I am by nature a planner. As I read that phrase, God's spirit revealed to me that THIS is often why I resist change. Ouch. It's so strange that I can think this way when I've seen God provided "something better" through interrupted plans over and over. (Maybe all these years I've been a control freak disguised as a "planner"...) Thank you for speaking this truth today.

Very happy to hear about the Professor's new job! Praying for a smooth move, and many new blessings in Georgia. = )

DeeMarie said...

Wow... you are expressing the thoughts running through my head with a completely different scenario to cause it. Great post, as usual!!! I was reminded at my Bible Study last night that if you feel the world is closing all your doors, remember HE overcame the world and OWNS the doors!! :)

Sandy@ Jesus and Dark Chocolate said...

Great post. The saying, to "learn to be better not bitter" is so true. I am certain it would have been so easy to grow bitter about this situation, but God used it to make you a better person and help you to grow.
Love your heart!

Bethany@MyLifeinBlack&White said...

Wow, what a great reminder for a "planner" such as myself (I relate to Tracy). God is in control, even when we think we are. Plenty of times, God has watched my anger at people for how they shattered my plans when it was Him all along. Turns out, His plan is always, ALWAYS better than mine. Thank you for sharing your heart.

Vixbil said...

Great post and I too have felt so like you. When we first moved back to the UK, I struggled alot as it was supposed to be the end of moving and we were supposed to settle but 7 years later and we are on our 4th move here, let alone the other 7 we did in the US! I am going to etch that bit of scripture on my heart too as it is so powerful and one I really need to heed.
I'll be praying for your move, and all I can say is I loved the Georgia it was the last state we lived in so I only have fond memories
xx

Sarah@Life in the Parsonage said...

Terrific post! I've been there too, and realized after reading this, that I too, have been boasting about tomorrow...yet having no control over it! Thank you for sharing this.

Praying your new move goes well, and you are right in the place God has planned for you :)

melanie said...

It's so tough to be comfortable in your dreams and ideas, I am there so often, and then God sends a flood, literally. The past year all I keep saying is that the closer I know you Lord, the less I understand. Yet, the more desperate I am for a Father, cause I am so vulnerable in so many emotions. Blessings to you in your move and preparation!

Andrea said...

This is a hard lesson for me, too. It's so easy to get caught up in our own plans and forget that God likely has plans of His own!

That even applies to how He uses us, too, doesn't it? You had one idea for this post, and God had another. I'm struggling with the same thing today!

Gypsy Root said...

just found your blog...this was so touching. When I began to worry about tomorrow I am always reminded that birds of the fields don't worry...
thankful for finding your blog.

Amanda said...

GREAT attitude. I think Jesus would be pleased at how willing you are to give Hi all your circumstances.
You go girl.
God bless-
Amanda

Jessica McFadden said...

Thx for the kind comment on my blog.

Your site, and especially your faith, are amazing.

Congrats on your peace with your move to GA. There are some awesome women bloggers at Deep South Moms Blog - http://svmomblog.typepad.com/deep_south_moms/2008/03/about-deep-sout.html - maybe a few will live near your new home?

Best - Jess

Gretchen said...

I too am quoting, "My hope was in the supposed to be" because it is so powerful. Jesus really speaks thru your words.

Blessings to you and the Professor and the fam as you embark on this newest part of your journey together.
xxxooogretchen

Wifey said...

Great post as always. I love your new look, too! Smiles! You're moving to my neck of the woods - smiles! I'm in the Atlanta Metro Area...

Mari said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Mari said...

WOW! I'm speechless. Awesome post! Hey, you will love Georgia! Where? Maybe we'll meet sometime? I'll be praying for your move. We moved here eight years ago and have been blessed beyone measure.

Lynn said...

Love this post! I seem to need to keep learning the lesson that God is in control and I am not. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

Lelia Chealey said...

Wow! I love your faith!! God is just going to take us right where He wants to isn't He? At least you don't have to pack your blog! It will be there waiting for you to get your computer up and running!
Exciting new beginnings...can't wait to hear about them!

MaryBeth said...

I don't always have time to read, but I am so glad that I read this post tonight! The words were very, very timely for me right now.

Oh, and welcome to Georgia! What part will you be living in? We're up in the north east corner...

a Tonggu Momma said...

What a lesson -- my hope was in the "supposed to be." That's going to take a few days to sink in...

GrandCanyonMom said...

Angela,
Thank you for this healthy reminder! I am big on planning too. With my future so unsettled and my past speckled with so many moves, I've been reaching for a plan to put my hope in. (I can already sense the disapproval from God). My hope is found in nothing less than Jesus Christ's righteousness. Thank you for that needed reminder!
In Him,
Jaime

Shonda said...

Thanks for sharing your lesson as it is my lesson too. I imagine in my mind how things should be and when it doesnt happen the way I think, I'm disappointed. Really--distraught would be a more accurate word. This is the 2nd blog I read this morning with this premise. The Lord is speaking to me through you. Tomorrow is HIS. Thank you for sharing this.

May you have a wonderful July 5th weekend.

Blessings in Christ--

Joyfulsister said...

Hi My Sister ((( Hugz)))

I don't know what tomorrow holds, but I know who holds all of my tomorrows. This quote has seen me through some of the most helpless and hopeless times in my journey. Never fearing what is ahead because Jesus is already there waiting for us, Hugz Lorie

elaine @ peace for the journey said...

God go with you and be your constant companion and your everything in the days that lie ahead. So thankful for his provision on your behalf.

peace~elaine

Deb said...

Awesome post!! so glad you stopped by for a visit.One day at a time is my motto, cause yes that is all we have.
God Bless,
Deb

Connie@Little Red Hearts From God said...

Now girlfriend

GEORGIA ROCKS.... I know for a fact.. I live here..there.. whichever... smile...

where in Georgia... you can email me if you don't want to share to the world...

and my hubby works at a wonderful College here.. big school... 28,000 acres.. one of the biggest campus in the World...

Interesting post.. I had to put my faith in HIM... in a similiar way...recently as NOW.

AND HE is always faithful...

Praying for your transition..

Resting in the arms of Papa

graceunbound said...

I'm laughing slightly to myself because I just finished posting about plans on my blog and how God usually wins, and then I come here and you've written about essentially the same thing only so much more eloquently. Beautiful and timely post.

Congratulations to the Professor on his new job, I pray the move will go smoothly for you and that you will quickly feel at home in your new place.

Julie said...

Hey dear one, this is a precious post. He knows the plans He has for us....we just have a hard time walking through them and waiting on them, don't we?

I gotta hear where in Georgia you will be moving.

I LIVE IN GEORGIA!

FILL ME IN!

Hugs,
Julie

Alana said...

We've learned this lesson a time or two. Yes, sometimes it takes me more than once to learn the lesson ;-) I have found that His plans are always so much better than mine ever imagined being.

enjoytheworld said...

That's great post and well expressed words. Great!!! Actually i came to know about your blog by facebook. I want to say one important thing about your blog. That's really Great!!!!

BP said...

This was just perfect timing for me to read. Thank you.

I so needed to read this as we are going through the possibility of a new job for my husband. It is so exciting to think about. We are content either way. Thanks for the reminder of Who is our Hope and not worrying about tomorrow.

Tammy said...

This was so beautifully put...

I have such a hard time when even little things don't pan out exactly how I pictured them in my head. It's a failing that had gotten less over time, only to find I sometimes still wrestle with it.

Thank you for sharing this lesson with us...an incredible reminder to put both small and big things in His hands.

I'm reminded of that verse...
"A man's heart makes his plans, but the Lord directs his steps." Proverbs 16:9

Blessings!
~Tammy

Rick said...

Very good post. Just passing through. Thanks.

http://organizeddoodles.blogspot.com/

Susan said...

What a beautiful, beautiful post! Yes, God does teach us in such wonderful ways. I'm praying for your move and so glad you stopped by my place so I could come and read this. I'll be back!

:-) Susan

Shannon (muzbeecrazy.com) said...

WOW! This is my first time at your blog, thanks for visiting mine BTW, and I am blown away. I found this very uplifting and powerful and so open. Thanks for sharing your thoughts! Good luck with your upcoming move!

dlyn said...

My husband is a carpenter and as such, he must change jobs frequently. When the building the finished, all the carpenters have to leave - it is the nature of his work. Over the years, that ending had taken place at really bad times more often than I care to remember. This very verse has gotten me through more than once and He has always provided for our needs, if not always our wants. I will be praying that your new location is an abundant blessing to all of you.

Tracy said...

I laughed as I read this post - b/c not boasting in tomorrow had been my life for about 1 1/2 years surrounding our surprise pregnancy - God sure takes us on a crazy ride, eh???
yeehaw about GA - we'll have to visit for sure!!!!!

the160acrewoods said...

congrat's on the new job for the Prof!
Hugs and prayers with your family as you get ready to make this move!

LAURIE said...

Came by your blog tonight as I am getting caught up on some blog post readings. I enjoyed this post and appreciated you sharing your heart with us. Several years ago, God uprooted us and moved us from Wisconsin to Arkansas and I was alittle be sad about leaving behind my entire family and all of my friends that I had for my entire lifetime, but I had a peace from God that He was in the move and that is what carried me. That was almost 16 years ago. Something I remember God speaking into my spirit at that time was ...

"a house is just a building, but a home is where your heart is and where I reside with you"

I will never forget that God took time to remind me that as long as my family was together and He was a part of our new home...the rest would fall into place (and it did!)

-blessings, Laurie

Beloved MaMa said...

oh, this is so good...and so what I needed to hear! You are more than gifted, God truly speaks through you!!! THANK YOU

MoziEsmé said...

God is in control! Praying you feel His presence no matter what happens . . .

kristyLoo16 said...

Wow, my husband and I just went through something very similar. I read your BLOG twice because I just can't get over how much we have in common. My husband was able to move on, but we ended up having to move to another state. I had to leave all of my family back in Texas. I still find myself bitter but God is really dealing with me to forgive the people that turned our world upside down. It is amazing though, how God takes something so painful and makes it so beautiful. Thank you so much for sharing that. I REALLY needed to read that today.
Blessings to you,
Kristy
PS...I think I we are near Athens but not sure. I will find out. Still new to this area!

Carol said...

What a great post! I loved it. I, too, live in Georgia. Buford to be exact. Email if you want to share where you are moving. I go to a big AWESOME church out here. I'd love you to visit if you are nearby.
~Carol

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