It's a new decade, but I've been thinking a lot about the previous one...mostly the beginning of the previous one. Ten years ago I was a new wife with a list of wants larger than Manute Bol's wingspan. *
Whenever I looked down at the three sparkling, yet small by my standards at that time, diamonds on my engagement ring I thought about how I'd like an upgrade by my tenth anniversary. I was ready to trade in my white gold for platinum and more than double my caret weight.
I loved every minute of our Jamaica honeymoon, but kept thinking about the luxurious accommodations we would occupy once we returned.
Instead of fostering a heart of thankfulness for shelter, clothing, and modern conveniences, I wanted more. I sighed disgruntled when I walked into my small apartment in an old run down building. I wanted a house...a large house adorned with beautiful furniture, no more hand-me-downs. I also tired of counting pennies at the grocery store and dreamed that one day I would fill my kitchen with fine wines, cheeses, and gourmet ingredients. Only the best.
My wants numbered many and each one labeled justified. I rationalized that a large home with fine foods would enable me to demonstrate hospitality toward others. It wasn't just a want, it was a need. As far as that extravagant anniversary trip and two-caret princess cut ring...those were items that I deserved. After all, financially and emotionally supporting one's spouse as he earns his PhD is not for the faint of heart.
Ten years ago, I wanted more. Today, I want less.
Less stuff. Less to trip over, less to manage, less to fret about, less to want...less to waste time wanting.
Less drama. Less conflict. Less schedule management. Less stress.
Less of me. Less insecurities. Less worrying about whether or not I measure up to the standards of others. Less time spent agonizing over how others (ahem) *make* me feel.
Less wanting. Less of trying to have the perfect life. Less of trying to make the perfect impression. Less conforming. Less wondering how to get more from others.
Less. I want less so that I can be more...be whole..be active in living...in giving...in loving.
I want less.
*For those of you unfamiliar with basketball trivia, Manute Bol was a former NBA center with an 8ft 6in wing span, the largest in NBA history