Monday, March 22, 2010
A Little Nervous
Sharing about my battles with Postpartum Mood Disorders felt like the natural thing to do right after my recovery two years ago. A passion for instilling hope in others who suffered compelled me to share my message without giving much thought to how others may have perceived me.
Now that those days seem far behind me (even though, it was not that long ago) sharing my story has become more challenging, and I cannot pin point the reason why.
I think one reason is fear.
When I shared my story in the past it was either with people who already knew me before or during my battles started, or it was with members of the blogging community. But as my family and I continue to move from city to city and state to state (as it seems will be a continued pattern for us) and I meet people for the first time, I tend to shy away from having them know that part of me.
Introducing myself as "Angela, the woman who suffered such a severe case of PPMD that her psychiatrist seriously considered committing her to mental health hospital" isn't necessarily a healthy conversation starter. And then I too worry about being labeled as unstable...of having my present condition judged by my past.
Another reason is the temptation to bury that part of me.
Stating that I was "not myself" during my seasons with PPMD would be a monumental understatement. It was a time filled with pain, irrational choices, confusion, anger, and frustration. Revisiting that place feels somewhat similar to visiting a loved ones grave. I know that when I go there....something...someone is missing. And a dull sensation of agony covers me.
Yet even though sharing my story now makes me nervous, I still think it is important to tell others about my difficult journey because...
I was not alone
PPMD is a real medical condition that is often misunderstood
There is HOPE for those who suffer from PPMD
In order for me to share the hope I know and to help others learn more about PPMD, I need to share my story. So this week, I will be sharing more resources about PPMD here and my full story will be posted on (In)Courage tomorrow morning.