Monday, March 22, 2010

A Little Nervous


Sharing about my  battles with Postpartum Mood Disorders felt like the natural thing to do right after my recovery two years ago. A passion for instilling hope in others who suffered compelled me to share my message without giving much thought to how others may have perceived me.

Now that those days seem far behind me (even though, it was not that long ago) sharing my story has become more challenging, and I cannot pin point the reason why.

I think one reason is fear.
When I shared my story in the past it was either with people who already knew me before or during my battles started, or it was with members of the blogging community. But as my family and I continue to move from city to city and state to state (as it seems will be a continued pattern for us) and I meet people for the first time, I tend to shy away from having them know that part of me.

Introducing myself as "Angela, the woman who suffered such a severe case of PPMD that her psychiatrist seriously considered committing her to mental health hospital" isn't necessarily a healthy conversation starter. And then I too worry about being labeled as unstable...of having my present condition judged by my past.

Another reason is the temptation to bury that part of me. 
Stating that I was "not myself" during my seasons with PPMD would be a monumental understatement. It was a time filled with pain, irrational choices, confusion, anger, and frustration. Revisiting that place feels somewhat similar to visiting a loved ones grave. I know that when I go there....something...someone is missing. And a dull sensation of agony covers me.

Yet even though sharing my story now makes me nervous, I still think it is important to tell others about my difficult journey because...

I was not alone
 


PPMD is a real medical condition that is often misunderstood

and


There is HOPE for those who suffer from PPMD

In order for me to share the hope I know and to help others learn more about PPMD, I need to share my story. So this week, I will be sharing more resources about PPMD here and my full story will be posted on (In)Courage tomorrow morning.




7 comments:

He & Me + 3 said...

I know that your story will bless and help others. That is awesome that you are willing to share your story

Lee said...

Angela...I suffered from PP Depression. I started blogging when I had it as well. It is crazy to go back and read the things that I said and did now...I think who was that woman? Where did she come from and I'm so glad she's gone! Please feel free to read some of my blog and increase those feelings of not being alone. The more of us who go through these hard times and share the better!

MrsM said...

I wish I could just say don't be nervous and that would magically make it so. I think that any time we share something that effected us in a profoundly negative way we all cringe, expecting judgment from others to prod into areas where we are still sensitive. Luckily, there are many cases where that doesn't happen. I recently shared on my blog that I am a high school drop out-something that no one suspected of me and that society looks down on in general-but I was met with overwhelming kindness and empathy for what I went through and with nothing but encouragement and support for my endeavor to go back to school. It has really been, in it's own way, a healing experience for me to share that part of my life with people and have them open their hearts in acceptance.

I will be praying that you have the same experience tomorrow! ((hugs))

Andrea said...

May GOD continue to bless you as you share your story.
Hugs, andrea

Barbie said...

I never suffered from PPD but know of others who have. I applaud you for your courage to share your story. There are many women out there who simply ignore the symptoms and do not seek medical attention. I am thankful that you did. I am praying that by you sharing your story you will encourage others that they are not alone in this fight. Blessings and strength to you!

Angela said...

Angela...thank you so much for sharing your story. I can't tell you what a comfort it is to me to hear of others who have been through PP depression. I also battled it after the birth of my fourth child. It was an unexpected enemy that waged war in my mind. I too stayed with family for sometime. Only by God's strength and His word was I able to make it out of the darkness.
Thank you for your boldness to share your story. I pray others can find healing and encouragement from this series.

Rachel said...

Angela-

Thank you- you are a very brave woman. I suffered from a major spell of Anxiety/Depression- around summer time last year- and am just now feeling better. I can't say that it was caused by PPD because my youngest is now 5! But I do believe that it was hormonal and a symptom of stress.

Thanks for sharing your story- I know that it will touch others lives.

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